Thailand

Outreach

I start to write this in the van on the way back from our last bit of ministry in Thailand. I have not processed anything here beyond surface level since Mama Sarah went back to Lynden. I don’t know where to start; Outreach has been so vibrant and full, these past two months may go down as some of the best. Most of my posts while on Outreach have been more niche topic-wise; typically covering drama and emotions as opposed to telling you faithful readers what has been going on in my life. This post should hopefully cover what I failed to share in the past few months. 

Prep vs what it was 

This was so much more different than I ever expected. During Outreach prep, a subtle feeling of dread took over, as I heard how much we were required to do, culture shock, and homesickness. Two months felt like forever. Culture shock especially was warned about: different customs, ways of living, language differences, money. Weirdly enough, none of those took long to get used to. I fear I will have more culture shock coming back to the States and our generally cold way of going about things than I ever did here. Things cost exponentially more in the States. I can’t get a whole snack haul for the equivalent of two or three dollars. I’ve gotten used to the cars being on the wrong (left) side of the road. I’m used to most buildings having three walls in most rooms, or at least doors that stay open. I am starting to pick up on many Thai words, sayings, and expressions, to the point where it is easier to say “hello” and “thank you” in Thai. I am attempting to learn Thai, even if I never again have reason to use it. I have gotten to experience community at its best. People get to know each other a lot faster here. Dan (staff member on the Cambodia team) said “it feels like I’m back where I belong” in regards to Southeast Asia on the day we landed in Thailand. The comment struck me as strange so early on, but now, as we are driving to Bangkok to reunite with Cambodia team and get ready to really leave, I understand a lot more than I thought I ever would. This place, Thailand, feels like home. These people that I am and was with feel like home. Living Kingdom focused has been so incredibly easy here, with that being the whole reason we are here. I hope it will continue to be that easy when I am back in America, but I sort of doubt it. 

Travel days

Travel days are so interesting. The 15 hour time jump from America to Thailand resulted in skipping a day while in the air. Get up at 4:00. Say your goodbyes, some more permanent than others, and get in the vans for a two and a half hour drive to the airport. Go through a 2 hour security line (boo) and sit around for another two hours, as your flight gets delayed. Board the plane, and buckle up for a 12 hour flight. Be excited that you got a window seat, then be disappointed as the flight attendants don’t allow you to open the blind. Try to watch a movie. Get bored. Try to sleep. Fail. Get food. Repeat the cycle three more times. Touch down in Seoul, go through security AGAIN (because of course I somehow attained a bomb in the 200 feet between the airplane door and security). Watch as JT loses his multipurpose tool, but Trevor slips by with his knife. Hold your camera close to your body and hope they don’t want to take it. Sigh as you make it through, rush to your gate, and watch the sun set on a day that you flew right through. Board the second plane, and sleep the six hours to Bangkok. Celebrate that you made it, feel weird because now you can’t trust water and food and air and words and anything. Walk through the airport, stand in another line to get approved into the country. Wait on your teammates as some get questioned. Wait by the team’s copious amount of luggage. Walk all around the airport, following a Thai woman who everyone says is your contact, as she leads you outside. Get jumpscared by the 90 degrees and humidity. Regret wearing a long sleeve shirt. Load up in the back of a pickup truck, equipped with a roof and benches. Drive to YWAM Thailand, bring luggage inside, and soak up the last bit of time with the other team before they leave for two months. Go to sleep. A few days pass, then load up in another truck bed for a long ride to the bus station. Wait in the bus station for a while, call Cody, pick at a KFC sandwich. Four hour bus ride. 20 minute truck ride with strange people that barely speak English. And then, some 72 hours later, you have arrived at your first location. YWAM Chaiyaphum. 

Split from the Cambo team

We realistically knew that we would have to leave over half of our team as they went to Cambodia, and we stayed in Thailand. They left a day before we went to Chaiyaphum, so we had time to adjust without them. It was a quicker adjustment than I had assumed it would be, although the goodbyes were quite tearful. 

Thai culture

Thai culture is so interesting. Not in a bad way, just in a most definitely not western culture way. Language is dramatically different, and minus tones being hard for a lot of people, it’s rather easy to pick up on the basics if you put your mind to it. Feet are considered dirty and it is disrespectful to point your feet at people, although that wasn’t as big of a deal as we were warned it would be. The head is considered sacred, so you typically do not touch people’s heads. Shoes come off before entering a large variety of buildings, mostly homes. 7/11s are on every street corner. Street food is incredibly common, and the majority of it is safe if you know where to look and what to order. Tipping does not exist. Hospitality is incredible. I think I just adapted to a warm culture. I would consider myself an extrovert now, but I do think that it will revert back in the states. People don’t just sit at home. There are more things I am forgetting. I’ve been embedded within it for so long, I really don’t remember what seemed strange and foreign anymore. Community is bigger here. We were shocked at how trusting/uncaring parents are about who their kids are with and where they are. Spirit houses are everywhere, to honor ancestors and such, although spirit worship is actually frowned upon in Buddhism. Modesty is highly valued in most places (ignore the elephant in the country. Looking at you, Soi 6). Even while swimming, most people will wear pants and a hoodie. All schools have uniforms. Winter does not exist. Most buildings are very open. That’s all I can think of at the moment. 

Chaiyaphum location

We went to two separate locations, each place for around a month. For December, my group and I traveled around four hours to the North to a province called Chaiyaphum. Chaiyaphum is the most unreached by foreigners province in all of Thailand. While we were there, we met a grand total of one other white person, a man from the UK. We stayed with a family in a small village. Our base looked very small. It was small. Four buildings. Building one: the housing for the family we were staying with. I went in there once, to help with dinner. Building two: the bathrooms. Two stalls, connected and sort of open air, but private enough. Both equipped with a toilet and shower, with a sink between. One shower had hot water, and I fought for it every time. Between the bathroom and building three, there was a dish washing sink for after meals, and a drying rack for the clean dishes. In this space, there was also a washing machine and a small place to hang clothes. Building three: our living space. The basement was unfinished, used mainly as storage while we were there, although I have seen more recent pictures of the space, and it is being used to teach English! That is incredibly exciting, as the family was working towards making that space more useable whilst we were there. Up a metal spiral staircase, there was a massive porch and two doors. One door was the boys living space, with three mattresses on the ground, and many fans. The other room was ours, three beds and a mattress, and three sets of drawers. That was my room, and I was on the mattress, without the set of drawers. That was an issue for the first few days, and then I figured out solutions (stuffing my clothes under the bed, under a table I won at a Christmas party, in a few extra drawers) and was fine. Our room had an Aircon that we typically only used at night, and a big window that we covered with a blanket. The walls were quite thin; we could clearly hear everything going down in the other room or outside. This wasn’t near as big of an issue as I had initially assumed. I am now a much heavier sleeper, so honestly that is a win. On the porch there was a hammock chair and a wooden wicker hammock. In one corner, a heavy wooden bench resided; reminiscent of a church pew. In the other corner was a pile of blue gym mats. I hung up my hammock between two beams, and thus the porch became a hub of activity and a central hang out location. I spent many a late night journaling, reading, playing video games, and talking on that porch. Building four: the cafe. Drew and Alyssa lived off to the side of that building in a separate room. The cafe operates as a fully functioning coffee shop when there are no teams on the base. When there are teams, it is our kitchen and hang out area. Most of our meetings were held in that space, musical instruments were stored, a movie watched. The fans and aircon made it a good space to hang out (although I preferred the porch). In between all of these buildings was a driveway/courtyard area. The space was small, and it felt at times that we were all living on top of each other, but I loved it all the same. The village we were in was small, we were on one corner, 7/11 was on the opposite, only a 15 minute walk. Every night, there were kites that made sound, dogs barking loudly, and chickens periodically reminding you of their existence. The stray dogs were everywhere. I will never forget my time there, and I do hope to go back some day. 

Chaiyaphum ministry

We did all sorts of different ministry types, more to get the family we were staying with more connected with their community it seemed. If you leave the Buddhist faith and become a Christian, you will be shunned. The Christian community is extremely small, so it can be very isolating and hard to make connections. We worked around the Base, painting walls, mixing and applying concrete. We did the same at another house, fixing the walls and painting them a few days later. We did some English teaching (of which I am not a fan) at multiple schools. We taught all ages, and all levels of previous knowledge. My English partner was Maddie, and she did most of the work, while I was more her assistant. We taught everything from the alphabet to verb tenses and sentence structure. The prep for those classes were long, and the classes were draining. If I never have to teach English again, I would be okay with that. We also had a nightly soccer ministry. We would pile in the truck and drive to the other side of the village. Most people created a team and scrimmaged near constantly in preparation for a few tournaments at the end of our stay. I was team photographer on some days, and hung out with the kids that didn’t play soccer on the others. The connections that were formed were beautiful, and I hope to someday return to reunite with the kids. A final thing that we did was go to some of the local house churches. They were all very small, but the congregations had clear passion for Jesus. We got to hopefully encourage them. One evening shortly before Christmas, all of the churches got together and threw a massive Christmas party. That will go down as one of the wackiest, yet most treasured memories from outreach. 

Mama Sarah

A few days into the Outreach, one of our team members, fondly known as Mama Sarah, fell during soccer and broke her wrist. After a rather horrible experience at the Chaiyaphum hospital, she, Maddie, and Alyssa drove down to Bangkok to the hospital there. They were gone for a little under a week. The hospital in Bangkok is world renowned, people come from all countries for what is known as medical tourism, just to go to that hospital. Mama Sarah received surgery on her wrist, and returned. She was still in a lot of pain, more than she was showing us outwardly, and her wrist just wasn’t healing. There were a few other things going on on top of that, so about a week or two into being at our second location, Mama Sarah made the difficult decision to return home early. We were all heartbroken of course, but we knew that it was likely the best decision. I missed her every day, and even though I am in the plane, gearing up to see her in no more than 15 hours, I still tear up. She will be able to rejoin our group upon arrival, and will also be able to graduate. 

Thank you’s for the people I met there

I wanted to make a special section for the people that I met in Chaiyaphum, to thank them by name. 

Pam: She facilitated us, and allowedus to teach in her school. When we performed a skit for the kids, she translated in the best ways possible. 

All of the kids that helped me realize that maybe I really was cut out for this: they surrounded me on the first day, and wouldn’t leave me alone. Using Google translate to communicate is easier than I had previously assumed. 

Tip: Raem and Nan’s daughter. She wasn’t around a lot, as she worked quite a bit while also attending university, but when she was, she was always helping out with various projects. She was quite, and unfortunately only started to open up to us a few days before we left, but It was good to start to get to see the layers beneath. 

Matthew: son. He was so very silly, always calling me and Ashlin stinky. “Go take shower!” He tended to go on our little misadventures. He reminded me a lot of my youngest brother, so it was nice to get to interact and tease him. 

Asia: daughter. She was crazy passionate about her sport: soccer. I saw her in a unique way. She is growing up in a Christian home, as a follower of Jesus, when all of her friends are likely of an entirely different religion. Seeing her walk in her faith is a beautiful thing. She is 14 years old, and the pressure that I know she feels from the people around her is immense, and yet she stands strong. I want to pray specifically for her. 

Nation: the youngest daughter. She has the absolute coolest hair, and for some reason, it felt uncannily like I had met her before. I still don’t know what that was about, and maybe I don’t need to. She is fiery and fierce, but also giggly and lovely. She is a beautiful person through and through, and it will be cool to witness (even from afar) the places she will go. 

Chelsea: the pet dog. I hate tiny dogs, but I loved Chelsea. She was a spitfire, but never violent. Always running around, unreasonably fast for how little her legs were. 

Nan: the husband. On our first night, he showed up in the cafe wearing a chef’s hat and cracking jokes about cooking Chelsea. From that point on, he gave and he gave: all of his energy and humor to create a welcoming environment. He personally runs the soccer ministry, as well as a large plethora of other things. It is truly incredible ot see how much he is willing to do for YHWH and for the people he loves. 

Raem: the wife. She is so loving, and has all the stories. She was our translator when needed, and provided so much help in not just that area, but in literally everything. Her love for us, strangers until we showed up, was inspiring. 

I so desperately want to come back and see their family again, thank them better for how much they meant to me. We were so very blessed in Chaiyaphum, and I will forever love every one of them. 

Chaiyaphum final thoughts

Chaiyaphum healed me in ways that I can’t verbalize. I do hope to go back someday, though I’m not sure what I’ll do. I will always remember the kids we taught asking for autographs, and giving us gifts. I got two trading cards, hair clips, a drawing of me, and a phone case key chain. I need to get another phone case key chain, as the one I received broke. The cries of “Farang” or foreigner filling my ears as we rode in the back of Nan’s truck. The kids chasing after us. In a place where we were a novelty, it was pretty cool to use that to share God’s love. 

Pattaya first impressions. 

We drove into Pattaya and saw white people. It was wild, having only seen each other for the past month. i had assumed (foolishly) that white people would mean English speakers. However, the Russian population in Pattaya is massive. Most everything is in three or four languages: Thai, English, Russian, and sometimes Chinese. The Brothels made me sad. The beach made me excited. The house was less nice than I had assumed, but compared to literally most everything else, it was bougie. We only had half of it available to us. On the ground floor, there was a big open space, open air, but under a roof. I hammocked in there the first two nights, until we got rooms settled. There were a few tables, a washing machine, and a hallway behind the house with clothing racks and sinks. There was a kitchen in a sliding glass doorway, fully equipped, with a weird table in the middle. Drew and Alyssa’s room was off of this room. Following the far wall: Trevor’s bedroom, JT’s bedroom (prone to flooding with showers), two bathrooms with a sink between them, Mama Sarah’s room turned hangout spot when she left, and Ethan’s room under the stairs. Up the stairs was my room, shared with Maddie and Ashlin. They shared a queen bed, and I had a twin to myself. There was a bathroom off of our room. We also had a balcony, with a crow’s nest up on the roof. Trevor had discovered this spot on the first night, by climbing up the scaffolding. That was declared unsafe, so once the girls claimed the room, the crow’s nest was ours and ours alone. I was overwhelmed by everything and everyone and the amount of people and the smells and sounds. It was a rough first few days, but that eventually settled into a happy medium. 

Now impressions

I grew to love Pattaya, it just took some time. Our house was cozy. The tourists were just part of the scenery. The ocean where we were was pretty nasty, but it was cool. Even the night market got better, I just had to find the right times to go. The crowds were the problem, not the food. I can’t brush over the smells. I wouldn’t breathe too deeply, for fear of inhaling human feces or something of that nature, and the mysterious liquid coating many of the sidewalks was scary at best, but even that, I learned to work around. I never thought that there would be a city I could grow to love, but I did grow to love Pattaya. Although that likely was due to the people I was with. I love my team. 

Prostitute scene

I always intended to write more about the Tamar Center and the bar girl/prostitute scene and never got around to it. So here is a brief expansion. These were the notes I took while the director told us about what they do. “Bar owner who owns 40+ bars and newspaper made false Tamar website.” This is addressed in the beginning of my YWAM Scandal post, so yeah. “Face recognition software.” Every time a new volunteer arrives at the center, many of the local bars will send over a “ladyboy” to take a picture of the volunteer’s face and download it into their server, to prevent them from entering any of the bars in the future. “Women for Thai men are trafficked from neighboring countries, and foreigners WILL NOT find them.” This is a big deal, and why it would be helpful for the center to gain Thai employees. “Reaching the men.” Tamar is not equipped to assist the men and trans women in the industry. They will help get them out, but there is a place much better equipped in Bangkok where they get sent. “Half of Walking Street is controlled by the Russian mafia, and the leader is a terrifying woman.” This is such an interesting piece of lore that was just brushed over. “The shame/honor system over familial love keeps girls trapped.” Eldest daughters are taught from the day they are born that they need to provide for their families. Parents will teach their kids “I provide for you now in expectation that you will provide for me when I am old.” So most girls come from the villages to get good money and send it back to their families. If they don’t do so, it is highly shameful. This is a twisted cycle. “Girls abuse the men.” This was something that really opened my eyes. I had no difficulty seeing the girls as Image Bearers of Christ, but I really struggled with seeing the men using them as such. Daniel told us that a common pattern is older, lonely guys will come to Pattaya and basically rent a girlfriend. The girl will pretend to love him, but in actuality will be milking him for all of his money, and leave when she gets what she wants. “Whiskey ritual on Soi 6.” I couldn’t find anything about this on the internet, but I also was scared of looking too far. Daniel told us that the bar girls will line up every day outside the bars, and the mamasans (the older women in charge of the girls) will come around and pour whiskey on their hands. It is demonic in nature. Someone witnessed a man walking down Soi 6 at the time of this ritual, dressed in swim gear and clearly headed to the beach, with no intention of stopping by the girls. One called out to him, and he brushed her off and kept walking. Another reached out to him and touched him with her whiskey covered hand. He turned around and spent the next four hours there. This sounds fantastical maybe. But that is the reality of spiritual warfare. “The 79 show.” This is a disgusting show, bred by the overspread of pornography. People pay to attend, no cameras or phones allowed. They then watch people have sex on stage. Some “get the privilege” of joining. “Police indifference.” Prostitution is illegal in Thailand. Based off of what I have previously written, it is very clear that that is not enforced. “Gay guys and ladyboys.” Girls are not the only ones in the industry. Gay guys have a special place in it, and die faster, due to the nature of having to medicate to “keep going” and killing their hearts. Ladyboys are transgender people who stay with the women, and give men an opportunity to “experience being gay without actually being gay.” They have a tendency to pickpocket frequently to get money for hormone therapy. Many aren’t even trans, they simply see it as a good way to make money. Most commit suicide within 2 years of transitioning. “Men are lazy.” Women are the breadwinners in this subject of Thai culture. Men typically sit at home and drink, or if they do have a job, it is as a Grab driver. My head was spinning. It’s incredible work. This place is a light. I felt sick, because light illuminates the mold and grime of the city. I think God has given me another option. I hate the city. I hate Pattaya. But I can see myself doing this sort of work. Something to consider. 

Ministry, but mostly the kids. 

Our main ministry in Pattaya was with an after school program, mostly aimed at kids with rough home lives. Every day from 3:00 to 9:30, we would go to a sort of garage and hang out with the kids. It of course was a little more complicated than that. We would have a few hours of ministry prep to get lessons, Bible stories, and games sorted before we arrived. We would get picked up by Tao, our contact, at around 3:00 every day, and drive about 20 minutes to the location. We would open up the doors of the building, run through our Bible story/skit, pray, and sometimes set up dinner. Kids tended to start arriving at 3:50, with the last load of kids showing up anywhere from 4:30 to 6:00 (depending on if they were forced to attend Buddhist chanting practice after school. Yes, this is a real thing, and yes this is worded correctly. It is a common practice in Thailand.) Dinner would happen once everyone arrived. We had ramen, sandwiches, and takeout meals quite a bit, usually eating on the floor in lines. We would open the day’s lessons with a song. The kids were particularly fond of My Lighthouse, The Fruit’s of the Spirit, and Making Melodies. Then, depending on the day, we would tradition into English teaching (Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays) or go off book and focus on Bible teaching (Wednesdays) English teaching here was nothing like in Chaiyaphum. We would have 10 minute stations focusing on very specific aspects of the English language. There were a few kids that were rather fluent, so many times, we would have to ask them to refrain from speaking first to give the other kids a chance to answer and read words. We would then transition into a game, varying every day, and sometimes based off of the Bible story we would do. We had anywhere from 13-20 kids on any given day, so games were a fun affair. English testing was next, to assess what knowledge the kids retained. We would do a skit, usually interactive, following testing. I enjoyed being the Narrator, with one notable skit being David and Goliath, which I posed as MMA style fighting. I was admittedly hopped up on massive amounts of caffeine that day, so that likely affected the energy levels. The kids were the Israelite soldiers, and after Goliath (played by Trevor) was killed by David (played by Ashlin), they were tasked with killing the other soldiers (Ethan and Maddie). To finish off the day, we would do another song, have hug time, and say our goodbyes. This was usually around 7:15. We would then go and sit at a park close to the building (also conveniently close to the ocean). We would play and sit with the kids until Tao got back from dropping off the younger kids. This would end with us being picked up around 9:00 to go home. This resulted in many a late night, however since ministry wouldn’t officially start until 3:00, we typically were able to sleep in at least a little bit. We would also have some of the kids for Sunday church. Pray that they would be able to find a church that would be equipped to take the number of kids eager to go, and that the kids would continue to pursue God deeper and stronger even as their culture pushes against them.  We did a few prayer walks, and had a worship night on the beaches of both Walking Street and Soi 6. Those forms of ministry started towards the end of outreach, and I do wish we had started them earlier. 

Thank yous for the people here. 

I met so many cool people, this might take a while. 

Tao: he drove us literally everywhere, and has given his whole life for these kids. His passion for Christ is simply fantastic, and the ministry that God has called him to run is having visible, lasting impact on the community. 

Daniel Vaupal: the director at Tamar. We only met him once, but his work is incredible. 

Seeleen: the bond I had with this girl was amazing. I miss her so much, and I am so grateful that technology exists. She approached me first, and we were inseparable ever since. 

Unseen: his humor was beautiful, and he was just a good presence and influence on all of the kids. He warmed up to us first, and was willing to participate in all of the skits. 

Peck: he was basically one of our team. He fit right in, and we all loved having him around. He wants to get baptized soon, I am only sad that we weren’t there to get to be with him. 

Myname: she was the youngest there, and was the first to start crying on our last day. She and Maddie had a precious bond, and though she didn’t speak any English at all, she connected with us in ways that were unexplainable. 

All of the other kids for real: there are too many kids and not enough of an attention span with my readers to go into detail about all of them. However every one of them was special and precious in their own way. I love each and every child we met along the way, and I hope we come back in the future. 

Special experiences that I never expanded on

Elephants. We got to ride elephants. I even rode bare back. Now I get a sick story to tell, and something to cross off my bucket list. 

Soccer with Ashlin. We got to soccer mom Ashlin as she played with the team in Chaiyaphum in many tournaments. 

Christmas. We were surprised with packages from our families, and I for one cried very hard when I opened mine. 

Camping. New years camping trip with the family, and a Secret Santa gift exchange. We all stayed up until midnight and shot off fireworks. It was weird being in a different year than my people back home. 

The family coming with us for a weekend. The family got to go to Pattaya with us for a weekend, and go swimming and exploring with us. It made the transition easier. I miss that family so very much. 

Snorkeling. I saw Nemo. Enough said. 

Goodbyes. We all made friendship bracelets for the kids and gave them to them on the last day while praying over them. It was very sweet, and we were all crying by the end of it. 

My heartbreak about leaving

The last night with the kids, after giving them the friendship bracelets, it set it that we were not coming back. Myname sat on the ground and started crying. I sat with her, joined shortly after by Maddie. A few girls came and sat on my lap and bawled. I then couldn’t keep back the tears, and Maddie was freely crying, so a few minutes later, most of the girls were sitting in a circle crying, and the boys were huddled up pretending to not have emotions. Goodbyes are hard. I had to force myself to actually say goodbye. I’m glad I did. The kids still text me every day, especially Seeleen. They asked when we are coming back, and the worst part is, I can’t tell them. I don’t know if we will be back. As well as the kids, I miss Thailand in general. Our house has so many happy memories associated with it. The 7/11’s with their cheap food and coffee. The beach right down the road. The family-like atmosphere that my team created. I miss our family. 

Reunited!

We left Pattaya and went back to the base in Bangkok, reuniting with the Cambodia team. That was good! Hugs abounded, and stories were shared. It was a little rocky to go back to interacting with everyone after so long being with the same 7 or 8 people, but after a few days, it’s a breeze. The Cambodia team had a dramatically different outreach experience than I did, so it has been very interesting to hear the stories they have to share. I had an idea of who I thought I would reconnect with first, and that was completely wrong, but it worked out all the same. We had a few days in Bangkok to hang out and get reacquainted before going back to the States and meeting the January DTS. We also got to see Moo Deng, so that was a pretty fun activity to do with the full team. 

Full time missions?

Sooo the thought arose more than once: what if I came back? That could mean Chaiyaphum, that could mean at the Tamar Center, I really don’t know. The thought kind of scares me. I am only 18. If I did go back, it wouldn’t be the same. I wouldn’t be with the team that I’ve come to know and love, I would be with almost complete strangers. I need to pray into this more. I actually need to pray into what God wants me to do with my life after I graduate, but to be totally honest, I am too scared to think about leaving to allow myself to pray. If you guys could pray for peace and clarity for me, that would be fantastic. I have almost too many options, and yet none of them seems absolutely perfect. 

Thank yous back home. 

Thank you so so so much to everyone that donated funds to get me to Thailand, you do not know how much those meant to me. Thanks as well to everyone that prayed for me and my team while I was away, those were appreciated just as much!

Thanks to my mom for being a mom. Daily check in’s, even if I didn’t/couldn’t respond in depth helped ground me so much. 

Thanks to Pabac and Grandma for praying for food safety. A happy update: I never got sick, and neither did the other emetophobe on team. We had two isolated cases of food poisoning, but those were not too bad all things considered. Thanks to them also for paying for my phone bill the whole time I was gone, that made Outreach SO much easier, and I am eternally grateful. 

Thanks to Jess for being willing to debrief and share her insight about literally everything. I miss her so much. 

Thanks to Cody for listening to me yap literally all the time.

Thanks to anyone that reached out while I was away, I appreciated any and all texts or messages. 

A special thanks to anyone that contributed to my Christmas box. It made my day, and was so special. I kept each and every letter. 

Ways I’ve grown and changed

This is hard to verbalize. I can tell I have grown, but since I am myself, I can’t really tell in what specific ways for the most part. I have gotten more comfortable interacting with other people in most contexts, and this includes doing things ALONE at the airport. (Scary.) I am more aware of God and spiritual things than I was before, although that could have just been a product of where I was and the necessity of that awareness. My relationship with Jesus is better than it has been. Ever. I wanted to express this more fully, but I’m struggling to find the words. 

Final thoughts

If I had written about what I imagined the best possible outcome of Outreach would be, it would be nothing like what it really was. It would have been a whole lot worse. I never imagined how amazing my time in Thailand would be, or how fast it would go. Even if I do never go back, the memories that I made, and the relationships that were formed will forever stay with me. Thank you all who helped me get there, it means the world. 

Personalized encouragements/i love every one of my team members so much notes. 

Finally (this is last because I wanted to write it the most, so to keep myself from just writing this and nothing else, I put it at the end.) These notes are also being sent to the people they are about, so they are a bit more personalized than the thank you’s previous. I wanted to include them so readers can get a taste of why I loved my team so much. 

Drew, you were such a blessing to the team. You were a fantastic leader. Your bluntness was a good thing, helping us get things done faster. I appreciated all of the talks about niche media and references to books we both like. Your music taste is dope. I think that you led our team as best as could have been done by anyone, and I am eternally grateful. The work that you (and Alyssa) did behind the scenes to help everything run smoothly did not go unnoticed. I will always remember your goofiness and willingness to go with the bit (unless it was too rowdy). Thank you so much for saying yes. I leave you with a song and a verse. Tightrope by Jon Guerra. And (not a verse) all of Psalm 23. Thank you for bringing peace, strength, and stability to our Outreach. 

Alyssa, thank you so so so much for being our outreach leader. There were a lot of not ideal situations (namely, Mama Sarah’s arm) that you stepped up and handled brilliantly. I appreciate your flexibility, even when you didn’t want it, but I even more so appreciate the stability you provided and how diligent you were in getting us a schedule. That was a life saver, even if we didn’t always follow it. Your walk with Jesus is beautiful, and I look forward to seeing and hearing about where God takes you in the future. Some parting gifts. A song: The Light by Beach Chapel. And a verse: Psalm 27:1. Thank you for everything. 

Ethan, you did the things nobody wanted to do, and I am grateful for it. I saw you grow in a lot of ways, and find things that you were passionate about. You never slacked when it came to research and finding background on things, and you connected best with a lot of the people the rest of the team sort of forgot about. The kids were impacted by you so much, never forget that. Here is a song and a verse. Creature by half alive. Psalm 18:2. Thank you for being willing, keep striving after God. 

JT, J-Tizzle, J-Tarious! You are so cool. Your mind works in such interesting ways, it stretched and broadened the team’s perspective in all the right ways. I am glad I got to know you while on Outreach. Thank you for teaching me how to finger pick on the guitar, that skill will hopefully continue to develop. It was always fun to see how you took the roles in the skits and shaped them to fit you. Also fun to discuss random media with you on occasion. Your “dates” with Ethan were absolutely iconic, and when you had a plan, you always followed through. Thanks for putting up with our chaos even when you prefer calm. Song: The Gallows by Joshua Leventhal. Verse: Matthew 7:7. Keep doing cool things and thinking smart thoughts!

Maddie, I love you so much. Our friendship wasn’t super strong before Outreach, and I regret that. You have a beautiful soul. The relationship that you have with YHWH is inspiring, and I just know that it will impact so many people, now and in the future. Keep making music. Thank you for being crazy with us, but also having plenty of deep conversations. I loved playing Rummikub with you late at night, and I hope we get to do that again soon. Words cannot express how much you mean to me. Thank you so much for just being yourself. You were the best English teaching partner ever. Here’s a song: So Lovely by Noah Paul Harrison. And a verse: Psalm 61:3. Keep shining bright, you were and are a light in my life. 

Mama Sarah, I saw your picture a few days before leaving Kansas, and I told my family that you would be my mom while I was away. I had no idea how true a statement that would be. You have meant so much to me. Thank you for being there for our team, and for supporting us in whatever way you could. You helped me so much with all of the things, and I truly think I would not have been able to do it without you. I miss our late night chats and debriefs. Thank you for teaching me sacrificial love. Thank you for sticking it out as long as you did. I love you. A song: What a Love by John Mark Pantana. And a verse: Proverbs 31:25 (I see this in you.) Your love for everyone around you, but especially your kids, can and will change the world. 

Ashlin, my queen, oh my gosh, how am I to function without you. From the very first day, you have been pushing me to get out of my shell, and I am eternally grateful. I have loved walking through life with you, and navigating so many things. You are my best friend, I love you so so so much, and I am overjoyed that we were put in the same bunk, and the same team. You mean so much to me, and I am out of good words to describe it, but I hope you know how much I mean it. A song: Rest by John Mark Pantana. And a verse: Isaiah 40:31. I am so sad that I won’t be at DBS with you, but I will be praying every day for you. 

Trevor, I had absolutely no clue that we would end up as such close friends, but I am so appreciative for it. You have helped me grow in so many huge ways. Thank you for listening and offering advice. It was also nice to have another emetophobe on campus to make me feel less crazy. I can see you becoming a strong man of God, and I hope you see the work God is doing in you as much as I do. I love you, thank you for being there and for being a friend. We better see each other again. A song: I have made Mistakes by the Oh Hellos. And a verse (or three): Psalm 1:1-3. Listen to God on where He wants you to go, He will not lead you wrongly.