Outreach
So I’m here. In Thailand. It doesn’t feel real. Half the team is gone, and we’re overseas, and in a culture we don’t know.
*** oops. I fell asleep. Ya girl was TIRED.
I’m on a bus headed to our first real location. I’ve been in Thailand for about two days. Its something. I’m going to grow. It’s going to be painful. But I think it will be good as well. Food stuff is hard. Already. I think that might get easier as time goes on, at least until someone gets sick. I’ll probably spiral when that happens. Maybe not. I’ve been avoiding meat for the most part. I had two pieces of mystery meat for breakfast yesterday, a bite of a maybe hot dog for lunch. Chicken for lunch today. I didn’t finish it, it looked pink. You know how it is. (And by you, I mean myself. And maybe Trevor.) Even smoothies are iffy because the ice could have been made using bad water. I will settle to a happy medium, but I also need to remember that I’ve only been here for less than 48 hours. It’s ok to not have it all settled yet. Rest is another issue. I’m a brat when I’m tired. I can’t do that here, and I know that. It hasn’t really happened yet, but it very well may. I can’t use overstimulation and burnout as excuses for a bad attitude. But so far, even though I’ve been both at one time or another, I’ve more settled at neutral. It’s going surprisingly well. I’m likely still in the honeymoon phase though. The heat is crazy. I love it. The time difference is crazy. I don’t love it. I can only talk to my family really early in the morning and really late at night. I can only talk to my Base people in the morning and early afternoon. It’s okay though, I’ve called the people I want to call. Finding spots of down time will probably become a new skill of mine. I’m fairly caught up on journaling. I want to be consistent, like I was on Base. So far, everyone is journaling. I’m giving it a week before most of them fall off. I think I’ll be consistent, and Sarah seems to be intentional. We have a daily check in scale from 1-10 with physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual categories. I want to at the very minimum, keep track of those. I should introduce my team, for those of you that either don’t know the team, or don’t actually know me. The leaders first. Drew is slay, eccentric, likes all of the same media as me for some reason, funny, married to the other leader, Alyssa. Shorter than me, brown hair and beard. Glasses. Pretty casual style. Alyssa is kind and considerate, sticks to a strict schedule, which makes me happy. Brown curly hair and pretty smile. Guys next. Ethan is stubborn and passionate. I think I clash with him. But thats ok. He’s also shorter than me, blond hair and goatee. JT is a music guy, probably the most “normal” of the guys, no offense. Black hair and beard. Unfortunately taller than me. Trevor is goofy, considerate, and ALSO emetophobic which is fantastic (for me, not for him). He’s quite a bit taller than me with black curly hair and glasses. Onto the girls. Madeline is also a music person, super sweet, and surprisingly funny. She’s got brownish blonde hair that is usually pulled back. Ashlin is a lot in a good way. She’s a presence that is noticeable when absent. The shortest, with brownish blonde hair that is also usually pulled back with a claw clip, and large glasses. Sarah is the oldest of our group, and I think of her as a mother. Already. I love her dearly, and she is an emotional protector. She’s got grey brown hair that is ALSO usually pulled back. Then theres me, if you’re the one random person that read this from Scribbled thoughts, hey. I’m Kiah, no personality introduction, just read the other posts. I’m tall, but have HORRIBLE posture, so it’s harder to tell. I have short blond ish hair. And glasses. Ok. That is not at all what I had planned to write. My bad.
Plane time
I had 18 hours of flights total to get here. It felt like 5. It felt like 180. Plane time is weird. Especially when switching across so many time zones. I’m 13 hours ahead of my family and 15 hours ahead of the Base (Cody. He’s the only one I really talk to in that regard).
I’ve been here before
Well, not really. Something feels familiar. Since I’ve had time to think about what could feel so familiar (I’ve never been on any long term ish missions trips), I think it’s a mix of a lot of things. I love to make lists if you couldn’t tell by now, so in list format, here’s what I think is similar. The BAK. Bike Across Kansas (done three times, 9 year old Kiah was a beast). Something about the heat and long, tiring days, to the AC and living out of a bag. I think it’s mostly the BAK. EKC (Extreme Kansas Camp) but specifically on Servant Team (basically a counselor in training). The feeling of mild cluelessness about whats going on, but anticipation for whats ahead. Also the sense of community. And the heat. And the living out of a bag. Ya know. Golden Bell (church camp). This was the first thing I thought of. Long busy days in a different environment, to going back to a bunk bed with a bag. The mildly traumatic Utah Missions Trip that will forever haunt the narrative. Only thing missions related I’ve ever done. The sense of cluelessness carries over. But there’s something else I’m missing. I think I’ve dreamed a lot of this before. I don’t necessarily think I have prophetic dreams or anything like that (now do I think they happen, yes.) But I think a lot of these scenarios happened in my dreams before. Its strange. Ive never ridden a bus across Thailand before. But I swear I have. Something about the stairs on the Temp Base too. This does sound crazy, but maybe not.
Remembering
This will sound so silly, even to me. But I’ve experienced a level of love while here that I am not used to. Specifically with Sarah and Trevor. Maybe it’s because we all bonded over food stuff. But I don’t think so, I think that’s just an interesting connector. Sarah checks with me with food. Gives me hi chews, and is amazingly helpful when it comes to finding safe foods. She’s a great listener. We are eerily similar in a lot of ways, it’s like I’m seeing who I could be in 30 years. She is a giver. I might need to learn to see when she’s giving too much. She is healing me somehow. She’s like the familial connection that I’ve always wanted with my mom or sister, and could never seem to get. Trevor also checks in about food stuff (for that, it’s mutual). But mostly this is about a comment he made yesterday. We as a team were taking a picture in front of a Christmas tree, and I found myself in a parallel. I don’t remember if I wrote about a specific beach night, and a group picture in which I was dramatically outside. Not deliberately, but it was isolating nonetheless. Yesterday, I was once again on the outside. Now, I don’t feel as… outside as I did then. It took some effort to find my place, but once I did, it was comfortable and nice. But I was on the outside (physically). To quote from my journal “I was on the edge and Trevor says I should scoot in. I say nah, and he insists. ‘Don’t want another situation like the one at the beach’”. I’m not sure how to verbalize why that was so touching. I acted offended when he brought it up, but that was mostly because I can’t process emotions in real time and humor and anger are my two favorite masks. I think two months ago Kiah healed a bit. It was maybe like a redo of that unfortunate moment. Yeah. Enough sentimentality.
Final remarks
It’s hot here. Im only able to wear pants, so that’s rough sauce. Wish me luck with food stuff and burn out. I still have about 2 hours left in this bus ride, I might try to watch the Walking Dead. Never thought I’d be watching that show, but Cody is convincing.
Farewell. -Kiah Rain.
Songs while writing: Stones and Waves (Elias Hix). Bitter Water (Oh Hellos). Isha’s song (arcane soundtrack). Drinkee (Sofi Tukker) (shoutout Trevor for having a music taste). Lips are Moving (Meghan Trainor). Don’t Fear Darling (The John’s). Where’s my Mind (Pixies). Camden (Gracie Abram’s). Silk and Cologne (Spiderverse soundtrack). Ant Pile (Dominic Fike). Greedy (Tate McRae). Running (NF). Oxygen (switch foot). Freakin out on the interstate (Briston Maroney). Hide (Dorian Concept)
Rainy Ramblings 