Good

I wanted to write about my good day. 

I have a list of other various things that need processed, unpacked, written down. 

But not today. 

Today I went with a friend to drop her sister off at the Kansas City airport. 

It reminded me of leaving Washington. 

But it was good. 

This was quite literally exactly what I needed, and it sounds silly. It’s just a day out with a friend. But I find myself thinking that God made sure I had today off of work, that I was up to going, that I had nothing else going on. 

I say I am an introvert, but I’m really not. I don’t get energy from being alone. I don’t like being alone, I just haven’t been around a lot of people worth… being around. I have been without people for over two months, of course I was burnt out and tired of everything. Getting to be around someone with whom I can be a version of myself that is more true to who I want to be is refreshing. 

We dropped off her sister, rode the tram to get coffee, explored a library and each grabbed a graphic novel and then read it in one sitting, walked through an entire art museum, drove the two and a half hours home with the windows down. 

I was expecting to come home tired and not energized, but it was actually the opposite. That was a weird sort of revelation. “Oh, I’m not an introvert at all, I do love being around people. They just have to be the right people, and there aren’t many of those in these parts.” 

She’s going to camp, makes me more excited for that. But she’ll leave shortly after that for another state, so if nothing changes, I’ll slip right back into… this past two months. 

Brooks is a friend. Maybe. But I always come home after hanging out with him, Tired. Drained. I don’t feel like expanding on this, because I knew that already. I know this isn’t a good friendship, only one borne of necessity. It does explain a lot of my past few years though. 

The trip also helped me get out of the “stuck”. This job, this town, this routine stove me into a pit of feeling stuck, like I didn’t want to go to camp, I didn’t want to go to Advance, I certainly didn’t want to be here, but that was the only option. I don’t know. My mind latches easily. Going to the city helped me remember how much world is out there, that isn’t this draining town. 

Abilene suited me just fine, until I got the chance to grow beyond it. 

This also has increased the urgency that I feel at not going back to my current job after camp. 

If I’m not supposed to, God will make clear any alternative pathways. 

But I haven’t left Abilene since Easter until today. 

I want to not be here, in this town, for long periods of time. 

Hmm. I’m can’t think of any other options at the present other than just flat out moving, but I don’t necessarily think that that is the right option either. 

I’m trusting God with this one. 

I love art museums. I had no idea. I am such a nerd. I’m obsessed with paintings.