Back at it.

I’m back at YWAM. this strange little community is going to take some getting used to again. I love them, but I forgot how they do things.

Dan and Ella have been intentional with me. They both know sort of what’s going on, but neither know details.

Today, after thinking long and hard about it, I decided I was going to force his hand, and make him block me on Facebook as well. That forbidden open pathway of communication was going to eat at me if I didn’t do something about it. So I messaged him, and he predictably blocked me.

I don’t know how we come back from this.

I don’t think we come back from this.

And however hard I try to pretend to be ok with it, I’m not.

If I could just say the right words, it would fix things. I know it.

He knows it too.

So he won’t let me speak.

Ethan doesn’t know. Has told me I should come with him to Portland to see him.

All I said to that was “I fear I wouldn’t be very welcome.”

And that was that.

I could never hate him. And I know he doesn’t hate me.

It’s pathetic that he won’t communicate. Or let me.

You hear that, Trevor? Communication is a skill you are severely lacking in. This didn’t have to be a friendship destroying thing, but YOU chose to make it so.

and yet I could never hate you.