Category Archives: Journal

I keep trying to write because I keep feeling all of my emotions, but I keep getting tired. The YWAM fatigue has hit, and now I will be chronically tired until a week after returning home in April. That’s a good thing though, because now I can mess up my sleep schedule without worrying aboutContinue reading “Something or Other”

As in well thought out, or out of thoughts, or done with thinking. Take your pick.  I don’t think I like it here very much. The trees are nice. It’s amazing that they welcomed us with such open arms. Some of the people are cool. But I don’t like the buildings, the dorms are weird,Continue reading “Thought Out”

I’m back at YWAM. this strange little community is going to take some getting used to again. I love them, but I forgot how they do things. Dan and Ella have been intentional with me. They both know sort of what’s going on, but neither know details. Today, after thinking long and hard about it,Continue reading “Back at it.”

“I am a mosaic of everyone I have ever loved.” -some random 14 year old on Tumblr probably.  I know a girl who hates this quote, because it reminds her of the people she has pieces of, who are no longer there.  I don’t know how I feel about this quote. I think it isContinue reading “Mosaic”

I wasn’t going to write tonight. I swear, I wasn’t (not that it’s actually an issue at the present, it’s just late.) But Alice called, and that brought up weird emotions, and come on. Who would I be to let that bit of emotion pass by without grabbing on and milking it for some maybeContinue reading “Lack of Sleep and Unhealed Wounds”

Saying it three times fast brings it back, right? No, of course it doesn’t, but I’ve never been good at moving on from things that were important to me.  It’s time to reflect.  I haven’t really cried yet. I cried during my final goodbye with Cheryl, but of course I did. Goodbyes are continually harderContinue reading “Camp Camp Camp”

Made it to camp. Finally. Out of that job that has suffocated me for months. Back to my safe space, or what used to be my safe space. It’s too early to tell now, but I do think that maybe, just maybe, I’ve outgrown this too. I promise not to act like it, I doContinue reading “Camp”

What I wrote for Facebook and the normal public: September I wasn’t in Washington for very long in September, just a week, but it was an incredible week nonetheless. Early on the 25th, my mom, grandma, and I all caught a flight to Seattle. It was my first time in the Pacific Northwest, and minusContinue reading “Actually processing September”

October was an objectively bad month. I was at probably the worst mentally that I had been the whole year. But it was still fantastic in so many ways. Here is what I put on Facebook:The first full month at YWAM brought a lot of new experiences, most of them good. I slowly started toContinue reading “Actually Processing October”

If this day had been last week, or I had carried over last week’s mindset into this one, I’d probably be doing some pretty stupid stuff right now, and I’m sure that my thoughts would be dark and stormy as possible. I am pleased to announce that it was only a temporary lapse in sanity,Continue reading “Well well well”